vulnerable/not

Most of my "photoshoots" are shot on a whim. A typical afternoon with no plans immediately after or before a class is not an unheard of setting for me to put something together. I work quick, often too quick. I prefer to shoot, edit, and put the idea I saw in my head together as quickly as possible. Sometimes that means an afternoon, sometimes overnight. This was one of those occasions. I just felt something coming from somewhere and knew I needed to get my camera out before it was gone. It's bizarre to explain. Mostly I get in front of the camera with my remote and.. I don't think and things just happen. And when I see the photos after I download them to my laptop- they almost come as a complete surprise. Like I had no idea what I was doing with my own body and face. Not that they are particularly wonderful or anything- the thrill of it is just looking at them. When I am behind the camera I am aware of everything and I know exactly what to expect on the other side but when I'm in the shot, blindly clicking a tiny remote and moving my body accordingly, It feels like my brain has no control over the shot. That my body just takes over and does something that it remembers from a movie or a magazine cover or maybe just something that it feels.